Steve Bivans

Author, Coach, Urban Viking

Category: Uncategorized (page 1 of 11)

#1 Gratitude is Key: 52 Things I Think I Know

Gratitude is Key my friends!

Here’s episode 1 of my year long series, 52 Things I Think I Know, inspired by Oprah Winfrey’s book, What I Know for Sure. This is my way of celebrating my year at 52.

I’m gonna put together the best stuff I think I know, each week, on Monday (from now on).

This week I’m talking about one of the most important things to cultivate: Gratitude! Gratitude is key to happiness.

Enjoy, and let me know what you think!

Steve Bivans is a FearLess Life & Self-Publishing Coach, the author of the Amazon #1 Best Sellers, Vikings, War and the Fall of the Carolingians,The End of Fear Itself, and the epic-length, self-help, sustainability tome, Be a Hobbit, Save the Earth: the Guide to Sustainable Shire Living, If you want to learn how write and self-publish a book to best-seller status, crush your limitations and Fears, and disrupt the status quo, contact Steve for a free consultation to see how he can help you change the world! CONTACT STEVE

Want to Lose Your Worries? Find Success and Happiness?

Hi y’all,

I know it’s been awhile since I posted anything on this blog. I’ve been massively engaged in a lot of different projects, including the new book, Vikings, War and the Fall of the Carolingians, and writing a historical fiction novel, and a whole lot of other things.End of Fear COVER version 7

But wanted to send you a quick notice that my second book, The End of Fear Itself, is on special promo this week, through Saturday, for only $.99 on Amazon Kindle, in both the U.S. and the U.K. Grab a copy if you haven’t already, and tell your friends, if you have!

See y’all soon! Lots of stuff coming up.

In the U.K., here!

Steve Bivans is a FearLess Life & Self-Publishing Coach, the author of the Amazon #1 Best Sellers, Vikings, War and the Fall of the Carolingians,The End of Fear Itself, and the epic-length, self-help, sustainability tome, Be a Hobbit, Save the Earth: the Guide to Sustainable Shire Living, If you want to learn how write and self-publish a book to best-seller status, crush your limitations and Fears, and disrupt the status quo, contact Steve for a free consultation to see how he can help you change the world! CONTACT STEVE

Delay on Be a Hobbit Free Promo

***PROMO STARTS TOMORROW***

Woke up this morning to discover that, for some reason, Amazon had unscheduled my Free promo.
 

So, the promotion starts TOMORROW, MONDAY, for Be a Hobbit.Screen Shot 2017-02-24 at 4.21.36 AM

Steve Bivans is a FearLess Life & Self-Publishing Coach, the author of the Amazon #1 Best Sellers, Vikings, War and the Fall of the Carolingians,The End of Fear Itself, and the epic-length, self-help, sustainability tome, Be a Hobbit, Save the Earth: the Guide to Sustainable Shire Living, If you want to learn how write and self-publish a book to best-seller status, crush your limitations and Fears, and disrupt the status quo, contact Steve for a free consultation to see how he can help you change the world! CONTACT STEVE

A FearLess World for Only $.99!

Can you imagine a World Without Fear?

For your Friends? Your Family? Your Children?
You can DO that this Holiday Season!
Give yourself, and give them the AMAZON #1 BEST SELLER,

THE END OF FEAR ITSELF!

     for ONLY $.99!!!

Are YOU, or someone you love struggling in some area of life: work, business, money, relationships, health? At the root of that struggle is Fear, most likely several Fears. Every block to your success in life is based in Fear. Don’t believe me? Read the book!
WHAT YOU’LL GET:a fearless world
  • The Five Myths about the World’s Problems
  • Why Fear is the only real Problem (all the rest are symptoms)
  • The best tools available today to rid your life of Fear!
  • A blueprint for Saving the World! Yeah, I said it, SAVE THE WORLD!

Have a Happy Holiday!

GET YOURS HERE!

Steve Bivans is a FearLess Life & Self-Publishing Coach, the author of the Amazon #1 Best Sellers, Vikings, War and the Fall of the Carolingians,The End of Fear Itself, and the epic-length, self-help, sustainability tome, Be a Hobbit, Save the Earth: the Guide to Sustainable Shire Living, If you want to learn how write and self-publish a book to best-seller status, crush your limitations and Fears, and disrupt the status quo, contact Steve for a free consultation to see how he can help you change the world! CONTACT STEVE

From Have To Do List, to Get To Do List

[The following is an excerpt from my upcoming book, The End of Fear Itself, from a chapter on the Fear of Inadequacy. For a full explanation of how To Do Lists relate to such a Fear, you’ll have to wait for the book.]

You could hear the heat. I mean, it sizzled, and buzzed in your ears.

I was standing on the back lot of the church. The year was 1982, I think. I was 16 years old, lean and mean, and sweating my butt off. It was summer. I don’t remember what month, but in central North Carolina, Burlington to be exact, it dosen’t really matter what month of summer it is, it’s hot as hell.

In front of me was about a quarter acre of lot, behind the Salvation Army Boys Club, which was right behind the Salvation Army church. The lot was swamped in weeds and grasses about three feet tall, at least, probably four feet in some spots.

Next to me was an old push mower, with a Brigs and Stratton engine, covered in old grease, oil, gasoline, dirt, and ancient grass clippings from the Pleistocene Epoch, I think. On the other side of that mower, was my dad: Captain Sam Bivans.

My dad had decided that this particular job was mine to do. He volunteered me to do it, one might say. And I don’t remember if he had promised me any money for it, or not. It’s most likely that he hadn’t. I was his son; this was one of the perks. Yay me.

“Do I really have to do this, dad?” I asked.

“Of course not, son, you GET to do it!” he said with a smile, and not a disingenuous one, either.

He really meant it, even though he chuckled a bit when he said it. It is, to this day, one of his favorite sayings, and he has a lot of them, trust me on that one.

You see, my dad is the world’s biggest optimist. I’m not sure how he became one, though I reckon it stems from the fact that his father, my grandpa Bivans, was also an optimist, and a Salvation Army officer, and it rubbed off on the next generation somethin’ fierce.

It probably didn’t hurt, as well, that my dad was the 7th, and final child, and the only boy. Yes, my dad was the baby, and he had 6 sisters who had been waiting all their lives to have a little brother. So, he was considered the golden child from day one, and as a result, he grew up with a good deal of self-confidence, self-appreciation, and positivity. Most of that is an educated guess, but probably a pretty good one.

Whenever faced with a pessimist who balks at having to do a particular task, he always comes back with “You get to do it!”

That’s how he approaches every problem: as an opportunity. Unfortunately, that didn’t rub off on me. There were other influences when I was growing up, namely, my mom, who is much more pragmatic and realistic than my father. I grew up more like my mom, which has its advantages, but being an optimist isn’t one of them.

I’m working on it these days, however, because going through life having to do things, is a depressing and frustrating way to be. And in fact, we don’t have to do anything.

There Is No Have To Do List

Yes, I said it. There is absolutely nothing in our lives that we have to do. Nothing. Let me repeat it, nothing.Get to do list

Instead of making a long list of things that we think we have to do, and refuting them all with solid logic, I’ll just jump to the end and refute the base premise to begin with; We don’t even have to breathe.

That’s right. There is not law in the Universe that says we have to keep living. There’s certainly no law that can be enforced that can keep us from ending it all, right now, today, this moment. Suicide is an option. To say otherwise, is just bullshit, and it doesn’t do anyone any good.

That being said, I don’t think it’s a very good option, or one that anyone should take, unless they’re suffering massive pain from a terminal illness.

But once we realize that we don’t even have to breathe, to live, it frees us from our ridiculous To Do Lists! We can throw them out the window.

“But what am I supposed to do then?” you ask, desperately, “Do we just do nothing? Do we let the bank take our home, our cars? Do we let our children just sit around playing video games on their smart phones all day long until their little brains rot and ooze out of their ears?”

Nope. None of that is necessary. We don’t have to do those things either.

Instead, why don’t we create a NEW list:

a Get To Do List!

It’s that simple. Instead of getting up every morning, and writing out a list of things we have to do, let’s just change the title of the fuckin’ list! Let’s just call it what it really is! It’s a Get To Do List!

If we don’t have to do it, and we don’t, then it must be a list of things we have chosen to do, right? We choose to go to work. Why? Because we choose to sleep indoors! We choose to eat! We choose to keep breathing! We choose to have kids who are in 5 sports at once! (Should probably choose something different on that one, just sayin’) We choose to drive a Hummer and burn up half of the gas on the planet, and park it in a 3 car garage attached to a McMansion with 5 bedrooms for 3 people!

No one is forcing us to do ANY OF IT! It is all our choice. If we choose to live, and we choose to do the things we do, then it is not a have to do list; it is a GET TO DO LIST!

So let’s change the way we look at all the stuff we do. We’re not busy. We’re engaged in many things that we get to do.

Why? Because we have chosen to do them. Don’t want to do them anymore? Either come to realize that you’re choosing to do them, and that you get to do them, or Stop doing them! It really is that simple.

Steve Bivans is a FearLess Life & Self-Publishing Coach, the author of the Amazon #1 Best Sellers, Vikings, War and the Fall of the Carolingians,The End of Fear Itself, and the epic-length, self-help, sustainability tome, Be a Hobbit, Save the Earth: the Guide to Sustainable Shire Living, If you want to learn how write and self-publish a book to best-seller status, crush your limitations and Fears, and disrupt the status quo, contact Steve for a free consultation to see how he can help you change the world! CONTACT STEVE

Being Wrong: the Deadliest Fear of All?

[The following is a very rough draft from my upcoming book, The End of Fear Itself]

Quite possibly the deadliest fear of all is the Fear of Being Wrong.

I say deadly, not because it always leads to death, but that the potential for massive destruction and death is always there.

This is the Fear that has caused many a friend to part ways, destroyed marriages, led neighbors to fist-to-cuffs and murder, and driven entire nations to war.

It creates conflict over ideologies, religions, and national identities. It brings into focus the false sense of otherness, and the Fear of the Other, especially other people, and creates a harsh sense of Us versus Them. It is one of the roots of nationalism, bigotry, racism, and all forms of intolerance.fear of being wrong

When it takes over the mind, it leads to entrenchment behind metaphorical walls, and throws up boundaries, both psychological, physical, and imagined. It is the driving force behind the imaginary, political boundaries of the world. We have divided up the planet with these imaginations, and given them symbols: flags, statues, slogans, and anthems. All of this reinforces the Fear of the Other.

The Fear of Being Wrong leads to in-transience, pig-headedness, close-mindedness, defensiveness, anger, conflict, and war. It is the force that drove the Nazi Party to gas and incinerate 6 million Jews and another 5 million souls that didn’t fit their model of being right, i.e., Arian. It was the driving force behind Stalin’s purges, which left over 20 million Russians buried in mass graves all over Western Asia. It is the Fear that led the U.S. into Korea and Vietnam, convinced that their way was right, and that communism was wrong.

It creates threats out of thin air. If I am right, and you are wrong, then you instantly become a potential, if not real, enemy. I must protect myself and my friends, family, and nation against your threat. It is an evil Fear, if evil there ever was. And it’s based almost entirely on bullshit.

What is right? What is wrong?

If you examine the discussion on these two questions, throughout the history of philosophy, you’re not going to find a real consensus, other than possibly it’s wrong to cause harm to someone else. One might argue that there’s a consensus on that point, but who follows that philosophy? If the so-called, free-est nation on Earth, the United States, can’t follow it, then who can? Who will?

The U.S. has been in so many wars—and is still embroiled in a protracted one as I write this—and has no right whatsoever to argue that others shouldn’t also start and engage in war, or any other kind of oppression. Their record on oppressing other people is appalling; just examine what they did to the native population of within their own borders? And that’s only the beginning. And the U.S. is my home, and birthplace.

The Fear of Being Wrong has tainted all borders, all nations, every religion (even Buddhism), and every ideology.

Even science isn’t clean on this one. In fact, they might be one of the most egregious ideologies around. While most scientists will argue that science isn’t an ideology, and maybe in theory they’re right, it certainly has underlying metaphysical assumptions about how the Universe is constructed, and those are mostly un-examined assumptions.Those assumptions lead many scientists to defend a position, long after it is prudent to do so, and long after the facts and evidence suggest that they should.

Of course, scientist aren’t alone; this is a problem for the entire species. Homo sapiens sapiens love to be right, and really, really, really are afraid of being wrong. We fuckin’ hate it. And I’m here to tell you, yours truly is guilty as well, maybe more so than most people.

What Drives This Fear?

I think there are at least two major things behind the Fear of Being Wrong.

One, if we have to admit that something we believed is in fact, wrong, we take a massive hit to our self-esteem. And this is a big deal. We spend all of our lives trying to protect what little self-esteem we have, and if we have to admit being wrong about something important, especially something that we have long believed to be true, it knocks us on our ass for awhile, if not permanently.

This makes us very defensive of our ideas and ideals. We protect them with vehemence and anger. We physically cross our arms in defensiveness during an argument, we back up, we withdraw, and we throw up those metaphorical walls to protect ourselves from the truth, or the lie that someone else is attacking us with.

Why do we do this? Loss of Identity?

The second thing driving this fear, I think, is an internal mechanism we have that equates who we are with what we currently believe. Our beliefs, in other words, have come to define our very being, our sense of self. We are what we believe, about the world, about the origins of all things, about our relationships, about ourselves, about everything. We are seriously attached to our beliefs. They have become things; they have become us. We are our beliefs, and our beliefs are us.

I am what I believe.

That’s a very powerful statement. And most of us never really think about it, about how our beliefs shape our very existence, our identity, our place in the cosmos and the history of the world. Beliefs aren’t just ideas; they have become things, they have become us. They are nouns, in other words. And nouns are very powerful things; they are concrete, factual, real.

From Belief to Theory, Noun to Verb?

But what if we troubled that thought. What if we turn beliefs into verbs? Make them more transient, fluid, ever-changing? What if, instead of having these things, these nouns, called beliefs, we instead experience them as verbs, as theories for instance?

If in a conversation, you say that you know the distance from the Earth to the Sun is 93.whatevermillionmiles, and I come back with “That’s a use-able theory for most predictions,” we might continue to have a civil discussion, whereas if I say, “That’s complete bullshit,” you might punch me in the face, and then I’d have to kick your ass, your family would come after me, and soon there’s be a world war, with buttons pushing, and mushroom clouds popping up all over the planet.

Okay, that was an exaggeration, maybe, but you get the point. If I don’t hold onto my Fear of Being Wrong, or certainty of being right—the distance between the Earth and the Sun is actually zero—then I could ask you some questions about your theory, as long as you aren’t entrenched on the idea that it’s 93.whatevermillionmiles away. If you don’t feel threatened, if you don’t feel like your belief is in danger, then a conversation can happen, instead of an argument and full-on nuclear war.

The best way to combat the Fear of Being Wrong, is to assume that most of the time, the things we think are solid, factual, or right, are in fact, theories. Or maybe I should say they are in theory theories. Most of what we think is solid, even the chair you sit upon, isn’t solid at all. And the reason the Sun isn’t 93.whatevermillionmiles away, is for two reasons.

One, the Earth’s orbit is elliptical, not circular, so the distance changes constantly. It’s never a set distance; it fluctuates based on what day, hour, minute, second, millisecond, microsecond we’re talking about.

Two, the Sun isn’t solid. It isn’t a big, shiny rubber ball out in space. It doesn’t have a surface on which to place our tape measure to measure the distance between it, and our blue planet. Our planet isn’t solid either, nor uniform. Where would we hold the other end of the tape measure? On the top of Mt. Everest, or the bottom of the Marianas Trench out in the Pacific Ocean? Big difference.

And where would we hold the tape measure on the Sun? At the core? But where is the edge of the sun? Is it the tip of the longest solar flare? Good luck measuring that! Maybe it’s the furthest reaches of the Sun’s light? Now there is the real answer.

That light, is in one instant, wave, and in another instant, particle, so not only does the light, the waves of the Sun reach us here on Earth, but also its particles. Ergo, the distance from the Sun to the Earth, is actually zero. Think about it for awhile, and it might just blow your mind, and make you question everything else you think you know.

Question Everything

Don’t be so quick to believe things. Question the fuck out of them. Question EVERYTHING, especially your own beliefs, including the beliefs about who you are. Dont’ become a rock. Rocks aren’t solid either, if you look close enough. Stop being solid. Be more fluid, with your beliefs, and your sense of self. If you do, then you won’t be inclined to defend what you think is right, and you can say goodbye to the Fear of Being Wrong.

Steve Bivans is a FearLess Life & Self-Publishing Coach, the author of the Amazon #1 Best Sellers, Vikings, War and the Fall of the Carolingians,The End of Fear Itself, and the epic-length, self-help, sustainability tome, Be a Hobbit, Save the Earth: the Guide to Sustainable Shire Living, If you want to learn how write and self-publish a book to best-seller status, crush your limitations and Fears, and disrupt the status quo, contact Steve for a free consultation to see how he can help you change the world! CONTACT STEVE

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