I’m a boob man.

I love big breasts, especially on chickens and turkeys.tacos

Sincerely, I do. I don’t even care if they’re saggin’ n draggin’. Just bring me more tits. And you can cook’em anyway you like: fried, boiled (in soup), sautéed, broiled, roasted, toasted, even broasted—which means ‘fried’ in Yankeelandspeak—or my favorite, GRILLED!

There ain’t much better than some flame-licked, charcoal chicken tits on a hot summer day, man. Give me somethin’ to grill, and get the hell outta my way!

If you want a salad, you better talk to my girlfriend, Patience, because you ain’t gonna get it from me! I’m a fuckin’ carnivore, all day long, and I ain’t apologizin’ for it. I had a friend suggest to me the other day that one way I could monetize what I do would be to come out with a book about veganism.

What? Really?

I haven’t laughed that hard in a few years!

I was like, “Dude, have you been paying fuckin’ attention?! I might EAT a vegan, but I’m definitely not gonna BECOME ONE!”

I was only partially kidding about eating one. Actually, I love vegans, and vegetarians, not so much for dinner as for what they do for the price of meat, or could do for it if there were enough of them. Hell, I wish about a third or more of people went vegan! The price of meat would drop, and I’d throw the biggest fuckin’ BBQ party you ever saw, for the rest of us!

So, if you’re not a vegan, here’s a recipe that I threw together last night for dinner, because we had a few turkey breast fillets in the fridge, and I was feeling pretty lazy and didn’t want to think very hard.

It’s always easier to just cook it up, throw it in a tortilla, roll it, and jam it into your mouth, than to serve it any other way. Hell, we didn’t even bother with a fuckin’ side dish: no rice, no ‘taters, no salad—well, Patience made some salad, which she rolled up in the tortilla with the turkey tits. I ate mine, sans verdi, which is my Frenchified way of saying, no fuckin’ salad.

I even whipped up a quick name for the dish: Tiauana Turkey Tit Tacos, or South of the Border Boobs!

Here’s the recipe, which is like most of mine: fast and loose.

Stuff You Need

  • Turkey, or Chicken Tits (that would be filet, sans bone), 1.5 lbs or so
  • soft tortillas or taco shells (size doesn’t matter in this case, or at least that’s what she tells me…)
  • fresh salsa (get some real shit from a Mexican grocery store, not that crap you get in a jar at Cub, Kroger, or Piggly Wiggly)
  • cheese, grated
  • salt, preferably sea salt, but it isn’t that important
  • chili powder, 2 dashes
  • cayenne pepper, 1 dash
  • garlic (dry, fresh, or both), 1 dash/2 cloves
  • coriander (spice), 1 dash
  • cumin, 1 dash
  • turmeric (supposed to be good for you, especially if all you eat is meat, like me), 1 dash
  • your favorite hot sauce (mine is from Isabel Street Heat—my neighbors. I love their Cilantro-Lime Serrano), 1 teaspoon or so
  • lemon rind, just a ‘titch’ (Patience added this in, since we had some lemons. If you have a micro grater, awesome, if not, don’t worry about it. In fact don’t worry about ANY of it. If you’re missing one of these ingredients, it’s ain’t gonna matter that much, unless it’s the tits you’re missin’)
  • margarita mix (this dish really should be paired with a strong-assed margarita, which can be made from scratch, or poured out of a plastic bottle. I will confess that I did the latter this time since I was lazy and it was in the fridge. You could substitute some lime juice and a bit of sugar probably, if you don’t have any margarita mix in your fridge.), 2 or 3 ounces

Destructions (When I cook, it’s more like a wrecking ball than a lecture, and I never follow INstructions)

  • Get your charcoal going, however you do that.
    Starting the lump charcoal in a chimney

    Starting the lump charcoal in a chimney

    I prefer to use a charcoal chimney, since I don’t like the taste of fossil fuels on my tits.

  • Dump the turkey or chicken tits into a bowl large enough to hold them. You don’t want your tits spilling out all over the place. Keep them well contained until it’s time to whip them out.
  • Into the bowl with the tits, goes everything else, (except the tortillas, the salsa, and the cheese, and the salad crap, if you opted for that).
  • Stir it around so that the boobs are well covered in spices and sauces. Saucy mammaries are the best.
  • Let the tits sit in the sauce while the charcoal is heating up. These would have been even better if I had planned ahead and let them sit over night, or for a few hours, but it’s really not necessary. The lime juice in the margarita mix, tends to penetrate the boobs in a jiffy.
  • Once your charcoal is hot, dump it in the grill—if it ain’t already in there—spread it out, put the grill grate over it, and you’re ready to fire up the tits!
  • Throw the boobs on the grill, IMG_4528and grill them a few minutes on each side.
    DON’T OVER COOK THEM!
    This is the biggest mistake that amateurs make when it comes to poultry, no matter how they cook it. A dry turkey tit, is jerky, not dinner. Turkey should never be fuckin’ jerky: never! Patience disagrees with me on that point, but it’s a free country; she’s free to be wrong if she wants to be. If your charcoal is really hot, it won’t take more than a few minutes on each side, depending on how thick the tits are.
  • When they’re done, pull them off the grill, and let them sit on a plate for a few minutes. Never cut up meat until you’ve let it ‘rest’ for a few minutes, or all the juices are gonna run out onto the cutting board. And guess what’s in that juice? A whole hell of a lot of flavor, that’s what.
  • Once they’ve taken a break for a few minutes, you can slice the boobs into narrow strips, cutting across the grain of the meat, though it’s not as important when slicing poultry as it is with beef, or pork, so don’t sweat it.
  • Then mix up some margaritas, or pop the top on the beer, turn up my Mexico: Tequila & Taco Night mix on Spotify, throw the turkey tit strips in a tortilla, IMG_4532with some salsa, and the cheese—and some of that salad crap if you’re partial to it—and BAM!
    IT’S FUCKIN’ DINNER TIME!

 

Steve Bivans is a FearLess Life & Self-Publishing Coach, the author of the Amazon #1 Best Sellers, Vikings, War and the Fall of the Carolingians,The End of Fear Itself, and the epic-length, self-help, sustainability tome, Be a Hobbit, Save the Earth: the Guide to Sustainable Shire Living, If you want to learn how write and self-publish a book to best-seller status, crush your limitations and Fears, and disrupt the status quo, contact Steve for a free consultation to see how he can help you change the world! CONTACT STEVE